In a lede that begs the follow up “Who would’ve thought that a condiment company would finally merge the utility of a flammable illumination device with the refreshing crisp delights of a fruit salad?”, Hellman’s mayo opens the ad for their Cranberry Candle Salad by asking “Who would’ve thought that a salad so impressive would be so easy to make?”, a rhetorical question asked by precisely no one, ever. From this opening gambit, the mayonnaise giant then proceeds to breathlessly describe a dish that offers a bit of everything: berries, room temperature mayo, candle wax and fire. With recipes like this one, it’s no wonder that Hellman’s soon changed their name to Best Foods (West of the Rockies). In the food marketing world, not every recipe works out, and sometimes you just need a little distance.
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