I am woman, hear me roar.
And hear me crunch. When I am hungry I eat. When I eat I choose food that sounds appetizing. Hunger and appetite: these are the things that impact my food choice.
What does NOT impact my food choice?
- What the person sitting next to me on the bus, in the meeting, or in class hears when the food that I eat makes sound.
- The fact that I am female.
- The fact that some people associate being female with being quieter, unobtrusive, and dainty. They call it being “ladylike”.
- Whether or not the food I desire fits inside a handbag.
- The amount of crumbs or finger stain left behind once the food has been consumed.
This last one might not be completely true. There is the rare occasion I choose a food based on the mess it will leave on my hands. Cheetos, BBQ ribs, and buttered corn on the cob all taste better when eaten with our hands. The flavor left behind on fingertips is like a culinary encore and is to be enjoyed by either licking the fingertips or nearly swallowing each finger one by one. I do, at times, choose these foods because I enjoy the aftermath almost as much as the food itself.
I admit, there are times I might tone down the excitement, speed, or bite size when I’m around others. I can eat an entire PB and J in four to six bites. This skill comes in handy when my schedule requires it. I sometimes eat in a rushed eating-over-the-kitchen-sink way or in a groan-while-I-eat-because-it’s-so-darn-good-way (the leftover carrot cake and big glass of milk last night). I know that this is not great eating etiquette around others so I choose to tone down the shoveling eating style and take smaller, slower bites. I choose to do this, not because it is the lady-like thing to do, but because I am a human who learned about eating etiquette and manners.
When I heard about the PepsiCo CEO, Indra Nooyi, preparing to roll out special chips made with me – a female – in mind, I found it confusing. What a foreign idea – that a food product be modified to allow us females to eat quieter and cleaner. It was foreign but also familiar. This is just a more blatant way the expectation that women be obsequious and behave politely in the background normally gets communicated. I’ll let other feminists take it from here with all the ways this lady chip concept is twisted. The other thing this news from PepsiCo’s CEO did is remind me about Doritos. Cool Ranch and Nacho Cheese have always been tied in my book – I never could rank one above the other. Love them both. So now here I am with a Doritos craving plus some irritation about a sexist message. Fellow feminists, write your works on this topic, and I’m with you! I’m still trying to figure out how to satisfy this darn craving with something other than Doritos (at least for now).
10 Loud, Finger-licking Good Snacks That Are Better Than Doritos
1) Real Popcorn
By “real” I mean good, buttered and salted popcorn. The “light” stuff is not finger-licking good. This oh-so-yummy snack is not just finger-licking good, but kind of whole-hand-licking good.
2) Chicken Wings
Rip-it-from-the-bone good. Eat this timeless Superbowl beauty with utensils and it will not taste the same. This is a hands-on, teeth-ripping, definitely finger-licking snack.
Loud slurping rather than crunching, am I right? This flowering fruit originating in Africa is summer’s gift. What is better than an enormous hunk of this red, juicy goodness and the back of your hand to wipe the splatter from your cheeks?
4) Chips & Salsa
Or any chip and dip really. There’s inevitably the perfect combination of salt and dripped dip on our hands as we eat this that begs for licking. Layered dip, onion dip, guac, spinach and artichoke dip… it doesn’t matter. They are ALL to be eaten loudly and proudly.
5) Powdered Doughnuts
Here is my challenge to you: Get yourself a powdered doughnut. Now eat it. Now look at the white on your fingers. Don’t let your fingers touch anything – especially your mouth – until you get to the sink. Wash the white goodness from your fingers. Watch the white water go down the drain.